"What doesn’t kill you gives you EXP."

bunsen:

i don’t think there’s anything worse than not being able to finish your lap in mario kart because ur in last place what kind of discrimination is that 

brommunism:

remember that once in the late 70’s a face character for pooh at disneyland was accused of hitting a child in the face on accident and so the dude came back to court after the recess in the pooh costume and answering the questions as pooh and fucking danced in the courtroom in order to prove that the arms were too high up to hit the kid and he was acquitted within 20 minutes

weedjoke420:

*looks in the mirror* tbh: i see you around school sometimes but we Never talk, rate: 8.9.

"NASA has named a mountain on Mars ‘GISHWHES’."
Misha Collins (via theoverlordmisha)

LOST | September 22nd, 2004

captainfart:

sometimes you wake up and you’re like bucky barnes didn’t deserve any of the shit he went through

kimkardashiangameproblems:

Me *finishes a job in London*
Maria: are you in Hollywood? Can you come to  my office?
Me *spent $65 to get there*
Maria: I’ve got you a job in London…

kimkardashiangameproblems:

Me *finishes a job in London*

Maria: are you in Hollywood? Can you come to  my office?

Me *spent $65 to get there*

Maria: I’ve got you a job in London…

"Part of me wants to drop out of college and go travel the world.
Part of me wants to work really hard in college and change the world.
Part of me wants to not work hard at all and marry some rich guy.
And the other 97% of me just wants to sleep."

pushmepullme:

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

Twenty some odd years ago in high school my brother and a friend spent the better part of two hours going around asking people at the pizza parlor if they had just one quarter, so they could play their favorite song. They wound up with enough for something like 13 songs. They queued up ~13 plays of Yellow Submarine and promptly left.